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Rant about "The Sisterhood" topic posted Thu, June 10, 2004 - 9:50 AM by Pele

Okay...this is a complete rant of something that has been occurring for the past few years in this area, and is suffering a resurgence. I know it is beyond me to fix, and I am just going to continue doing my own thing but argh!

So there are two cities within 2 hours of one another here, let's call it city R and city B. Each one, years ago had a bellydance troupe (cabaret). City R's troupe had a member leave and begin to teach on her own. Imagine the scandal! So, the original troupe in city R began to really backstab and be nasty to the other two troupes.

Fast forward 10 years. City B has another dance school, and one more troupe in it. City R has I think 3 troupes overall. All of these are cabaret and folk based (except one who claims tribal but does not a thing improv and no tribal costuming???-a rant for another day).

Now..4 studios within 2 hours is not bad. There are teachers everywhere. And the original woman who badmouthed everyone is still at it, and worse than ever! Recently she attacked me, behind my back of course, to a friend and once troupe member with me about my teaching out of her "rival" studio. She has accused me of not choreographing my own stuff, of not having ever danced on a stage at all (when I have danced in her shows and have the video to prove it!!!). She has gotten so bad there are liable and slander charges pending against her.

What's worse is that on her website she claims that they are all about promotion of "the sisterhood". This is what I have, in my dance evolution, come to know as the "norm" in bellydance.
And it isn't just her. In city B the two studios are completely at odds with one another all the time. It is like some form of gang rivalry...Bellydance Style. (Maybe I should write a satire show of it ala West Side Story! lol)

And that is not all. The studio that I work out of is not only bellydance. We have tonnes of ethnic styles of movement and dance from all over offered by exceptional dancers of local troupes. And what we are seeing is it is not limited to Bellydance.

For example, there are two African troupes here. One teaches from their own studio. One from ours. Didn't the members of the other troupe come in and pretend to not know how to dance in the class, making the teacher feel *really* angry and offput?

I teach hula (well, not right now, but I did a couple semesters ago). A local hula teacher stopped in an interrogated me the other night. About my teachers, who I know in Hawaii, why I have the name Pele, what do I teach, etc... And she was nasty about it.

And all this in the name of sisterhood. What the hell??????
For the longest time I was a living room dancer because of the politics. I spoke with one of the owners of the studio I work out of about it all recently and she scoffed "The concept of Sisterhood is absolute bullshit. And I won't believe it until I actually see it and feel the welcome of it."

I was told by some dancers I know on the west coast it is not much better in their area.

So..what is it like in your area? (I know you probably won't but I will ask, don't name names specifically please)
Do you feel the sisterhood actually exsists or is it more of a goal at this point?

I see it as a goal personally.

Thanks for the thoughts!
Namaste,
Pele

posted by:

Pele

New York

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Medi...

462

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 10:44 AM

pele,
i think that this is a common theme when you get a lot of women together, insecurities surface which lead to bickering and cruel actions (namecalling, talking shit). i havent personally experienced anything like that in my life since high school, but i'm sure it exists. the best thing to do is remove yourself emotionally from the drama and continue on your path doing the right thing. it sucks, but in life there will be assholes to deal with. dont let their actions dictate yours.
in a more positive light, i have met some of the most wonderful people here in the southern california bellydance community, and i cant wait to meet more. i have definately bonded with a select few, even though we dont get to dance together much, and for me thats a great thing.
also, not to stir the pot but Hula is a different thing all together. the questions you were asked by the Hula teacher are valid,(although the way she approached you sounded lame and aggressive). Hula (and Polynesian dance) takes pride in following a teacher's linneage, and i think the best reason for this is to preserve the native Hawaiian culture. in the late 80s there were only about 50 pure blooded Hawaiian people left in the world. ok, enough of the discovery channel...
just my thoughts :)
medi

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Fran...

134

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 10:54 AM

All you have to do is replace the wood " sisterhood " with " clique " and all your questions are answered. I find many troupe of all kinds lay a claim to sisterhood but unfortunately these gals are behaving like sorority sisters. Gossip and back bite about any other troupe AND dis any and all members who leave a troupe. It so reminded me of High School I could scream, as I am WAY to old for this crap ( 44 ) Belly dance I general requires you to be so vulnerable to begin with. I think the sisterhood thing comes into play for those of us who do improv. To go out and dance not really knowing what the next step is going to be makes one even more vulnerable Having to put deep trust in your leaders and followers creates a very intimate experience and I think that is where the feeling of family or sisterhood comes in. I was talking about this with a friend who wondered why I don't solo at a restaurant or some such and. I told her hell no I don't want to dance with out " my girls " having my back. I would not mind at all doing a solo as long as I have a chorus of my dance crew behind me giving me encouragement. For me they create safe space where ever I go, if you know what I mean. I think that is why the whole idea sisterhood thing is so prevalent in out dance form and some people turn it into a clique and forget all that sisterhood when they leave the studio. What I try to do to not have that kind of cattyness in my classes is to encourage my students to find something positive they can learn from any performance they see. But it is an up hill battle. They are all still baby dancers and have run into this clique crap. A few of them have gotten grief for being Tribal style. " ewww why do you study tribal? Don't you want to learn real belly dance " no not kidding, this was actually said to one of my students. I am not sure of the cure to this problem, all I can say is I hear you and it frustrates me as well. If someone comes to me for a recommendation on a teacher I will only speak about those who I have personally taken classes from. If I know first hand that a teacher or troupe is catty I will simply redirect the person to another teacher, troupe or class.

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- Shay
  
  518
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Thu, June 10, 2004 - 11:51 AM
  
  Yikes! What a horrible thing to say (that Tribal comment). It is so hard for me to believe, as I have run into nearly ZERO negativity in Seattle about tribal since the day I learned it existed. But this town is pretty artistically creative and open minded. Tribal has an energy about it that feels very in tune with the energies of this city, and I have gotten nothing but support.
  
  As for sisterhood, Pele, I don't think it's something you can blanket the whole community with. And that is where we get into trouble. When we insist that somehow belly dance creates an automatic bond between all other dancers, we are kidding ourselves. But I do find that the bond between me and my students, my students with one another, my troupe mates, etc is stronger than in any other group I have ever belonged to. The warmth and feeling of closeness and family that we feel in class is commented on all the time. I have seen new students come in terrified (literally shaking) at trying this new thing in this big room of strangers, and leave talking and laughing with a new friend, feeling truly close to them. I can't explain it, but sisterhood just "happens" (sounds better than shit happens LOL)
  
  But sisterhood with people you have never met, or hardly seen, or don't respect...that would be false, contrived sisterhood. I try very hard to stay in touch with friends and colleagues in as many troupes and groups outside my own as possible, because that personal contact is what keeps the lines open for sisterhood outside what could easily become a "clique". A faceless person is a lot easier to disrespect than someone you personally know. It's a lot easier to make even the simplest negative offhand comment about someone you don't feel personally connected to, than if that person is someone you communicate with even sporadcially. At least that is my opinion.
  
  And that is part of why I love boards like this. I feel more connected to all of you, I start to feel a comaraderie with you, feel a responsibility toward you, a respect for all of you, and yes, even a sisterhood among you. This place allows me to connect with you and find reasons to support and nurture you, and discourages any catty tendencies that women often find in groups. Has anyone else found this to be true?
  
  I am amazed at how many wonderful women are drawn to tribal. I feel blessed, and I do feel, on some level, that we can find sisterhood if we are open to it, but don't force it.
  
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- - Faizeh
    
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    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Thu, June 10, 2004 - 1:03 PM
    
    Amen, Sharon! I agree that it's unrealistic to think belly dance is going to automatically make all other personality differences melt away, but I *do* have a more "sisterhood"-ish feeling. That's the type of thing I try to promote in my class as well. Even when we don't get along, we can treat each other with respect. (Yes, sometimes this is REALLY hard, especially when you have someone in your area that systematically burns every single person in your MECDA chapter and then moves on to surrounding chapters, and continues to insist she's never done anything wrong, and you want to warn your other friends) I have found that by not allowing dancers (aside from your very closest friends) to bag on other dancers, no matter how deserving the other person may be, strengthens the community as a whole.
    
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  - - Pele
      
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      Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
      
      Thu, June 10, 2004 - 1:12 PM
      
      Faizeh and Sharon, I agree that it isn't and shouldn't be automatic. However, I too feel that the first step is in not dissing and dismissing anyone, which is absolutely rampant in these parts. I do have troupes/women that I am closest/closer to and we try to keep any "venting" comments more as critiques that we can learn both good and bad from to try and elevate our own selves...but damn!!! It can be hard.
      
      I also agree Sharon that I think tribal does attract a more open minded person, but then being one of the few tribal people in the area, it doesn't bode well for me aye? *Le Sigh* I will just keep plugging along and teaching and see what happens with a (somewhat) closed mouth! ;)
      
      And yes, Sharon, these types of communities make it sooo much easier.
      
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  - Ariya
    
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    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Mon, July 25, 2005 - 12:35 PM
    
    Sharon's classes ROCK!!
    
    I have heard from other dance freinds how it is in their classes and I can't believe all the cattyness. I have only felt emberassed once in Sharon's class and she quickly quited my fears. It was my first day in Beginner II and I was feeling very intimidated by all the wonderful dancers in the class, but Sharon talked to me and now I wonder why I ever felt that way. Not only did the challenge make me work harder but ALL of the wonderful women in the class are SO supportive of everyone. I don't think I would have stuck it out without every single one of them. I know it can be hard to let new people into a tightly nit group but as one of those new people I can tell you nothing feels better then to be brought into conversations, get hugs from and all the help that is given form the amazing ladies that I have the privilage to learn from.
    
    Thanks Sharon for everything,
    
    Heather
    
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- Unsu...
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Sat, September 10, 2005 - 11:24 AM
  
  >>>All you have to do is replace the wood " sisterhood " with " clique " and all your questions are answered. I find many troupe of all kinds lay a claim to sisterhood but unfortunately these gals are behaving like sorority sisters.
  
  Wow, Airmid, a huge lightbulb just went on. Thank you, that put a lot into a new perspective for me. That is so entirely true. The label of sisterhood does not necessarily mean it is a sisterhood.
  
  Unfortunately, as women we are technically a minority in the sociological sense. Sometimes as women we compete with each other and drag each other down.
  
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Jess

139

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 1:29 PM

Well, as far as I have found in the Philly area dance scene we're pretty tight over all. And this is extending into New Jersey and Delaware as well. ... So really the "tri-state-area" of South-Easter PA, South Jersey and Norhter Delaware.

And this is the case for tribal and cabaret. There is way more cabaret here. And even the stars of cabaret dance in our area who don't really care for tribal personaly always invite us to dance at their big haflas, and support us.

Of course there is always some "did you hear about X dancer who..." or "I just don't like her classes..." kind of things. But that is really a minimum here, thankfully. There is small amount of uncomfortableness between Hipnosis and the troupe us 3 were formerly members of. But its not like a war. We don't bad-mouth her, and as far as I know they don't bad-mouth us. Its just that we have some "history" and went separate ways and that has created some uncomfortableness. But I wouldn't call it bad blood. We still see eachother and attend the same events. I've directed people to my former director's classes if they live closer to where she teaches.

I guess we're lucky in our area. I would say there really is a pretty good sisterhood in our area. Yay!

Jess

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Adriene

127

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 3:41 PM

It seems like a common thread in the replies is to not encourage cattyness in those around us be it our troupes or classes. Which is really all we can do.

But let's face it, we are humans and we are adults and we have opinions. And sometimes they are not entirely politically correct but may be well founded. And are just plain real.
Are we never to discuss them? If we can- then with who? And when does it become catty or backstabbing?

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- ~ISA'S
  
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  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Thu, June 10, 2004 - 3:57 PM
  
  Been there, done that..and unfortunately *some* have had to deal with it. It seems more of an issue when there is one tribal troupe to begin with...then another comes along..whether it be students who broke off and started their own troupes, or whatever. It happens. Sometimes it does get pretty bad and I often thought of filing a lawsuit...back then since it was a serious defamation of character and was causing me to lose students/shows. That is where it draws the line. One thing to discuss in private what happend..another thing to intentionally slander somebody to make them look bad or try to take shows from them, try to get students not to go to them etc....
  These people often love the word *Sisterhood* but seldom understand the meaning of it! Finally, I got this wonderful letter from Sharon...who always gives me the BEST advice...and I realized these people were wanting to get at me. Drive me crazy. Make me feel like dirt..so they could look better. I bitched about it privately ... who did what to who first, and looking back..wasted far too much energy caring.
  Students will go to what troupe is right for them. Places will hire who they like. I had to get over not only not caring IF people didnt like me, but the lies that were told as well. I try not to lower myself to that anymore and focus on being a better dancer and teacher...though its not an uncommon, or even unnerving issue. Just hang in there and if you ever wanna bitch off post, write me or Sharon cuz we can tell ya ALL sortsa stories LOL.
  Muahs!
  Isa
  
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- Fran...
  
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  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Thu, June 10, 2004 - 4:17 PM
  
  For me cattyess is defined by saying things that are not based in any kind of fact. Pele's example about said teacher who claims Pele never performed on stage when this women knows damn fine that Pele did! I guess where I draw the line is in just talking smack about things that are not based in any kind of fact, or slamming a troupe or people to folks outside the community. That being said I agree with you Adriene that we should be able to voice out opinions especially when it comes to things we have dealt with first hand. My own example is about one of the cabaret teachers I had when I first moved to Seattle area. She has acquired the code name of " the evil teacher ". Know that might sound harsh but this woman is just VILE! She is the queen of clique. If you are her student and she finds out you are taking classes from anyone else she treats you SO mean in class that I have seen students run out of the room crying. You get the same treatment if you don't sign up for her student troupe. I didn't feel ready or even wanted to perform at our local Belly dance festival and as soon as she found out she went back and forth between ignoring me totally and telling me how much my dancing sucked. I finished the session and never went back. If someone comes to me and asked about her I will tell the truth because I do not want anyone else to suffer as I did. I will give my opinion and speak on my personal experiences. I do not see that as catty, it is stating the facts. I want that same kind of input from others around me. Also sometimes you just need to vent to people who understand the community. I have no problem with that and do not consider it catty. I have the right to speak of my own experiences be they good bad or ugly but draw the line at talking about things I have not witnessed myself. So Adriene, if you and I have a conversation about something we have experienced our self's in my book that is not cattyness. Know what I mean, or am I rambling again LOL
  
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- - Shay
    
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    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Thu, June 10, 2004 - 4:24 PM
    
    I think one can get the point across without personal attacks, though. And that is cattiness to me.
    
    I have had students ask me about other classes/teachers, etc, and if I love them, I rave about them freely. If I don't, I simply say, "I wouldn't really recommend them, personally. But you can try it for yourself and see." If they want more details, I can give some tactful facts, without saying "Well she was a total bitch to my friend Fran! Let me tell you this one story..." The former is giving an honest opinion. The latter is catty. But that's my definition.
    
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  - - Erin
      
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      Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
      
      Thu, June 10, 2004 - 4:35 PM
      
      I totally agree, Sharon. You can say that you don't want to recommend someone, you don't have to give the gory, one-sided details.
      
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    - Faizeh
      
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      Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
      
      Thu, June 10, 2004 - 5:05 PM
      
      This is how I try to handle it, too, Sharon, though I have to admit it can be hard when I really *want* to vent about what an evil person another dancer may be. And it's hard when someone else is hurt by the same person to just commiserate by saying, "Yeah, she's done some pretty harmful things to the community" and not go off on your own irritation.
      
      I find for myself when someone else is hurt by her, it not only makes me mad for my friend, but it gets me re-pissed about what has happened to me!
      
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    - Fran...
      
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      Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
      
      Thu, June 10, 2004 - 5:25 PM
      
      OK, let me clarify a bit .If someone comes up to me and we start talking about dancing and they say, "yeah I am part of troupe X " or " I take classes from X " even if I have first hand encounters with X I will smile, nod, and say something like " oh cool, sounds like fun " something like that. If someone comes up to me and says " I am thinking of joining X troupe or taking classes from X teacher" If I have heard a lot of things about X but have not experiences myself I will simply say that I have not had any personal experiences with X but Y took her class for a while perhaps you can ask her. I would never say " well she was a total bitch to my friend Sharon, let me tell you this one story" why? Because that is second hand info no matter how much I trust my friends version of that happen it didn't happen to me.. Now if someone comes up to me and says " I am thinking of taking class from X, what do you think " if I have up close and personal history with X ( as in the case of the evil teacher ) I will tell them my opinion and not feel the need to couch anything. I don't feel it is catty or bitchy to talk about real life experiences I have has good bad or otherwise. Everyone has their own way of handling things. To each their own.
      
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- Shay
  
  518
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Thu, June 10, 2004 - 4:18 PM
  
  I think talking among your friends is a really different thing than, say, blabbering negativity in a mixed crowd.
  I would never disparage anyone for what is said among close friends, but I will for public tactlessness.
  
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Icy ...

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Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 5:05 PM

There is such a fine line that this subject evokes between sincerity, and insincerity.

Even more so than cliquishness, or cattiness.

For me the word "Sisterhood" elicits more negative than positive connotations than it used to when I first entered into the belly dance world.

I don't know if it was because it became a cliche's catch phrase, to help so "everyone would just love one another" or as a means of couching/hiding bad behavior.

In an idealistic world, I would love to be able to call all our fellow belly dancers "Sisters" or all of us experience this so called "Sisterhood", but the reality is ... it ain't happening.

There are many war stories out there regarding this because (like Adriene stated), we are all human, as we are in all insecure, have issues, have likes or dislikes in others, yadda, yadda, yadda, etc.

Again, I know for me, that I don't take kindly to someone saying that to me or trying to incorporate me into this so-called "sisterhood" because I am automatically on guard as to what the motives might be, hence it makes it more difficult on that person to try to be friend me. AND THAT SUCKS! Especially, since I like meeting people and such.

When someone bounds up to me arms open, claiming all this wonderful 'sisterhood', I start looking for the rest of the cheerleading squad, Maybe I have become hardened a bit, but once bitten, twice shy, and there usually isn't a third chance.

Okay, I have gone over my two cents worth here. :o)

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Hilary

77

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 9:22 PM

In Sydney the broader bellydance scene is highly competitive and there is alot bad behaviour both openly and behind backs as well as lovely people doing the right thing by everyone - just depends on the person of course.

Tribal (ATS) is newish here and we are really close to the Ghawazi Caravan chicks and have talked about this a bit and we are all committed to keeping the nastiness out of it and are doing so very successfully.

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Czarina

115

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Thu, June 10, 2004 - 11:07 PM

There is sisterhood in belly dance, but it exists in pockets.

It's when you expect to find tht same feeling everywhere that you run into trouble. Different areas have different "scenes" and some are meaner, some nicer.

It's all luck of the draw. Whatever mix of people happen to find themselves sharing a city will determine collectively by their actions (consciously or unconsciously) whether the order of the day will be "camaraderie" or "cliquishness".

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- atomik
  
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  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Sat, June 12, 2004 - 8:58 AM
  
  I wasn't able to respond to this post when it first appeared, too busy at work. But I thought to myself "synchronicity!" I was thinking about one of the reasons I thought there was too much drama to dance, and it was the fact that people in the dance community would present itself as so supportative, that it embodied all the good aspects of "the sisterhood"; yet there was so much infighting and 'all about eve' behavior among most of its denizens. I know a number of women who have left well-known and "successful" troupes because they just couldn't deal with everyone fighting for their little toehold, especially behind their backs.
  
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- - Shay
    
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    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Sat, June 12, 2004 - 12:58 PM
    
    Can I just say, I LOVE that you used "All About Eve" as a comparison. *grin*
    That is all.
    
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Minya

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Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Mon, July 25, 2005 - 10:36 PM

I thought all was going along swimmingly in our community until recently. Little did I know there was a seething underbelly! We had a teacher here in town who has been talking crap about us to other people in the community. One of the braver souls, who we've known for eons, finally came forward and said, "I wasn't going to come to your workshop because I was told you hated me but I decided to come anyways." It was because she was told that since we were tribal that we hated cabaret dancers.
We were shocked, hugged her a gazillion times over and assured her that it wasn't true. Turns out, this crap talking teacher was talking slightly different crap to a myriad of people.
I let it be while the crap talker kept emailing me about how she wanted to have coffee with me some time and how she was tired about all the negativity in the community. AND HOW SHE HAD THIS GOAL TO BRING ALL THE DIFFERENT GROUPS TOGETHER!!! She was the one driving the stake in between them all.
I finally had enough and drafted up a letter that I called "An open love letter to the community" which I did post on this tribe. I wanted to make sure that everyone that had anything to do with this community saw it.
And boy howdy did we get responses. We took these responses and talked about them amongst ourselves and we did change the way we presented ourselves. We made sure that if we were at an event that we talked to anyone and everyone that looked our way (as one response was that we came across as aloof). I had to look at myself in that aspect as I am a shy person. If the music is playing and I'm on stage then it goes away but get me off the stage and I'm like AWWW SHUCKS!
In the meantime, the email opened some doors and slammed shut one door in particular (the crap talker, as she emailed me to say she was too weirded out that I would even write a letter like that and basically said she was going on to do her own thing).
C'est la vie.

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- Unsu...
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Tue, July 26, 2005 - 12:06 AM
  
  Good for you, Minya. One thing I learned very early on in life was that the best way to treat your enemies was to kill them with kindness.
  
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Unsu...

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Tue, July 26, 2005 - 12:22 PM

The key word was "cabaret." I know most cabaret dancers aren't catty (thank god) but I have not seen any drama arise in the tribal community around here, only the cabaret, and I think it has to do with the cabaret scene being more towards soloing than being group oriented. That's all. The tribal community is naturally going to be more sisterhood like than the cabaret cummunity based on the simple fact that tribal is GROUP improv, and not so much soloing.

All in alll the tribal community around here is wonderful, and the cabaret community is great too (there are only one or two drama causes groups, but oh well, that's life.)

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Deserae

57

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Sun, July 31, 2005 - 10:32 AM

I think the cattyness comes with the competitiveness of having more than one dance company in a city. We have at least 5 in St. Louis so you can imagine what goes on. I've heard it's the same no matter what type of dancing you're doing.
Each troupe is competing to get gigs and can feel threatened. All you need is one comment to get the ball rolling and before you know it you have a war. This type of thing is one reason that I'm thinking about leaving my dance troupe. My teacher is always bad mouthing other dancers and then the rest of us started doing it too. After a while we had alienated ourselves from the rest of the dance community and I'm sure everyone thinks we are a bunch of snobs. I know that this is going on just as bad in the other troupes here because rumors go around and a couple of the troups have fallen apart.
Being sisterly towards eachother is a goal we should work towards. The only problem with it is that you can end up a doormat to the not so nice troupes. We used to be nice until another troupe started calling all of the places that had hired us and offered to dance at a much cheaper price. Maybe we ended up a little bitter after that.
Anyway I think a sisterhood would nice but I don't think there is any reality in it at all. And anyone who thinks they have a sisterhood is probably alienating the people who aren't members of their sisterhood.

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- Shay
  
  518
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Sun, July 31, 2005 - 12:01 PM
  
  "but I don't think there is any reality in it at all. And anyone who thinks they have a sisterhood is probably alienating the people who aren't members of their sisterhood."
  
  Please don't decide that because you have not experienced a true, good sisterhood that it doesn't exist out there. You have had bad experiences. You're not the only one, without a doubt! It's too bad that a lot of people can't find a common ground to stand on together. But that doesn't mean a lot of other people haven't got it or experienced it. It's out there, and it is special and wonderful.
  
  I find that if you have friends who are constantly backstabbing others, but are nice to you, you end up mistrusting the friend because you wonder what happens behind your back. I am guessing your troupe situation you are in has left you feeling that way. You end up feeling trapped, because you don't want to push the buttons of these friends for fear of retalliaiont...you have already seen what they are capable of, and you don't want to be on the receiving end. I would say, though, that it is time to distance yourself from these unscrupulous folks and find a more like-minded group who have a respect and appreciation for others outside your group.
  
  I hope that you don't let your negative experience with a catty teacher ruin your hopes of finding a sisterhood one day. It is a tremendous feeling when you do, to be among people who not only care for and respect you, but show great caring and respect for others as well.
  
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- - Majida
    
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    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Mon, August 1, 2005 - 9:42 AM
    
    I'm reading this thread a little late, so bear with me. When I read Pele's intital posting, I had to check her Bio to see where she was from. I thought - she just has to be from my area!
    
    I think that there are some areas where dancers freely communicate and can get together and have a good time, even if there is catty-ness. There are other areas, however, where that is an impossibility. There is WAY too much serious bad blood running, and the whole law-suit thing is a real issue.
    
    Sad to say, there's not much a young inestablished dancer can do in an arena full of tigresses...
    
    I think it's important to act with decency and respect, even when others' don't do so. You'll feel better about yourself, believe me.
    
    I think it's important to dish w/ your close friends you know you can trust. Don't let all the hostility build up to a boiling point !
    
    I think it's important, above all, to stand up for yourself in this type of un-sisterhood. Don't let the divas push you around. I surely am not intimidated by any of the puffed up roosters in this town (LOL). But I know a lot of people are. DON'T BE :)
    -Maji
    
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LeAnn

39

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Tue, August 2, 2005 - 8:29 AM

We have a lot of that type of drama here. I quit one troupe because of it. I danced on my own for a little while, but then I braved a different troupe in town. I am so glad I did. Those girls were so nice and welcoming. We can discuss differences with out being mad. I was so happy after practice last week because we all offered different ideas for our next performance, and were able to easily come to an agreement. I still felt heard even though we didn't go with some of my ideas. Even though I have sisterhood with my new dance friends, I guess I too see it as a goal. It can be REALLY hard to be kind to/about the other troupe some days.

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Cher...

50

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Wed, August 3, 2005 - 8:01 PM

My experience (which I will admit is very limited) is that in the midwest, the tribal girls hang together. They really feel like a minority in an already sparse interest, and I suspect it fuel the togetherness you get. I have taken classes with and talked with cabaret dancers from other places, and generally they've been pretty nice, too. When I tell them that I do tribal, they make some comment along the lines of it being "all the rage", but not much else. However, in town, there are two cabaret teachers. One is openly hostile to me (and was from the get go...although it's gotten worse since a couple of her students left her and came to my classes) and the other simply doesn't talk to me or the other teacher at all. So while I do feel a sisterhood with other dancers, they tend to be at a distance. Maybe being at arm's length makes it easier to handle, although I really get more of a sense from the tribal folks.

But again, I have very limited experience. :-)

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Radhiya

282

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Wed, August 3, 2005 - 9:04 PM

In the area where I am there are only 2 tribal troupes to speak of mine and my instructors. Not many people here do tribal. I consider myself a Classical Egyptian Instructor first and Tribal next. I enjoy mixing the 2 styles together.

I have found belly dance to be a very catty business, everyone always talks about other troupes. I think you have to find the right mix. It's not a good idea to backstab other dancers. Very unethical if you ask me, but what can you do? I currently run 2 websites and list all the groups on one, it's an open forum for all dancers. Not everyone in town participates but that's normal for this area. And no one else it trying to bring the groups together. We all love to dance so you wonder why it's this way.

Many of the cabaret troupes are not interested in tribal and therefore find it different. The folkloric costumes are more interesting to me. So much more to view. I do love the cabaret look also, but find most of my students really like the earthyness of tribal.

Middle Eastern Dance has so many looks, costumes and variations. It's enough for everyone to get in on it.

Rant on sister, I know how you feel. Weird how some dancers will speak to you and others don't....that's something that really gets my goat. My rant is they can be so shallow.

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Anya

33

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Fri, August 5, 2005 - 7:47 AM

We're witnessing it here at World Dance Studios . . . this "sisterhood"--and so far, it's been beautiful for the past 3 years. The key is really to focus on what's really TRUE. If it's not, it can be dismissed and disengage. Really. There are other studios in our town, but really if you're not feeding the "Little Shop of Horrors'" Audrey II (if you know that show), it can't grow. Be sure about you and you cannot miss.

I wish you all could come to YANA or Tribal Indulgence II in KC . . . it's a women's event that's more than just a show, more than just a workshop . . . it's a sociological experience with the female gender and we're so proud to be a part of it, much less host it.

Let me know if I can help.

Take care,

Anya

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- Rafi...
  
  59
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Thu, August 11, 2005 - 2:07 PM
  
  I hadn't checked this tribe in a while when I read Pele's original post I thought I had just missed a month or so. Nope, it went back to June 2004. I am a member of one of the 3 troupes in City R, and unfortunately all Pele writes still happens. (though that slander thing was news to me) Sometimes it makes me want to just load up on videos and dance at home but I manage to set it (the BS) aside as much as possible and just learn as much as I can, and relish the opportunities to perform. I cannot control other people's lousy behaviors BUT I can control my reaction to it. I hate that it all goes on -- it's all so High School sometime. The cheer leaders vs the band kids vs the smart kids. There really are enough opportunities in this area to dance as a troupe. (Probably not the case for solo gigs though)
  
  Yeah, I sometimes wonder if I missed out on some chromosome or something -- the whole concept of sisterhood is kind of a foreign notion to me. I mean I like doing an activity like this with other women, and it's great to have this shared "obsession" but sisterhood? (I'm a scoffer of "soul-mate" too so what do I know; must have missed that gene too.)
  
  So Pele, if you're still reading this, know that not all the dancers in City R or that may be part of troupe are like some you've encountered. If you ever want to connect and chat, just drop a line!
  
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- - Shay
    
    518
    
    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Thu, August 11, 2005 - 2:34 PM
    
    I have a dance friend who also scoffed at Sisterhood. It sounded so woo-woo and contrived. That is, until she found a true sisterhood. Now she bandies the term about more freely, with regard to her dance sisterhood anyway. It only seems silly and contrived...until it isn't any more.
    
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  - - Icy ...
      
      232
      
      Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
      
      Thu, August 11, 2005 - 3:07 PM
      
      I guess I like to think of it more like a camaraderie of like-minded people or a shared interest more than a 'sisterhood'. Sisterhood denotes a bond that goes beyond the dancing, into a more woo woo realm (i.e. spiritual, religious, etc.)
      
      I am just as woo woo as anyone, if not more so than most may know, but I still find the dance and the spirit is that of friends, cohorts, comrades, dancers, troupemates, partners, etc. not so much in the 'sisterhood' path.
      
      Hmmm sisterhood sounds like a nunnery to me (in either definition you wish to apply). ;}*
      
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  - Epona
    
    144
    
    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Thu, August 11, 2005 - 3:33 PM
    
    I adore and strive for the feeling of a real sisterhood. Frankly, I started belly dancing, because I was new to my area, at the time, and thought it was an excellent way to meet friends. I learned quickly after joining a local troupe that the sisterhood ideal was a dream that was so close in my reach , but just too hard to grasp. The leader of my troupe gossiped all the time and was very negative toward many dancers that were more successful then herself (or her own troupe). I also noticed that most of the women in her troupe were not at all close, but were only there for the classes and performance oppotunities. It was a very frustrating situation for me, because I just wanted to meet people and get that "sisterhood" feeling that I was hoping for.
    
    That was a few years ago. I've long since left that troupe. Now I am the leader of my own dance production. I still strive for that feeling of the sisterhood. I know now that not only in belly dance, but in life in general, one will always come across petty judgemental attitudes. You could be a total success or a total failure and there will always be bad apples that will snicker behind your back. The worst part of it is that the people that judge you the most are the people that know you the least. This is the competative part of humanity.
    
    What I've learned from all of this is to be the best I can be. If I am bothered by someone else's gossip or negativitey, that just means that they are pointing out something I dislike about myself. I am the only person that can make myself feel good or bad. I joined the dance to find sisterhood, but I need to become that sister and positive influence within myself first to find it elsewhere. In spirit we are all sisters in dance and in life! In a perfect world we will all support one another and all be joyous in each other's presence. When we fail at this idealism this is just what makes us human.
    
    The best advice I can give in the case of a negative feeling or attack from another is that we all have a choice of how we react to it. Constructivley and positivley, or let it eat at us until we explode!
    Remember that we all dance for our own reasons, but I believe that the main reason we keep doing it is because it feeds us creativity, passion, and love within ourselves. So, let's focus on that before we get cought up in the cattyness of life.
    
    Blessings, Epona
    
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katrina

24

Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"

Fri, September 9, 2005 - 9:04 PM

Pele,

Being new to this post/website and seeing your words almost a year and a half old, I hope your view points have changed .......as people do.

Sometimes we go by what information we have at the time whether it is right, wrong, or in-different.

I personally still believe in Sisterhood. It is being part of a family (per se), an idea, potential growth, or whatever you as a dancer/person sees. Whatever connects you to dance (whatever style) this is where it means the most.

Yes - you have to keep doing what you do best since for me.... it is the core of my exsistence.

I have learned a LONG time ago that you can't fix some things ...and it IS a waste of time to try. I know since I got tired of certain issues in which you spoke of, I started my own dance troupe.

Pick your battles and the rest will follow. The positive people will surface, the rest will sift themselves out.

I can't get any simpler that that. Hope that helps.

Salaam my friend,

Kalilah

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- Sophie
  
  64
  
  Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
  
  Sat, September 10, 2005 - 10:54 AM
  
  My troupemates are my closest friends - we definitely have the sisterhood thing going. But, like all sisters, we can be catty and we can fight and we can get mad at each other and be unreasonable and petty. But at the end of the day they're still my sisters.
  
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- - Jill
    
    60
    
    Re: Rant about "The Sisterhood"
    
    Sat, September 10, 2005 - 1:55 PM
    
    perfect way to sum it up Sohie! We are all drawn to the dance - not all for the same reasons. We have friends and aquaintances in dance. And, like any other group, we have all of the personalities bubbling and bumping into each other. I find it tons easier to not become a drama queen now that I am not connected with a studio - I don't have anything to prove (or disprove) anymore.
    
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