I listen to this song
best song ever!!!! very empowering ( however you may want to ignore the last few lines)

Title: Frank Sinatra - That's Life lyrics

Artist: Frank Sinatra



That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself, flat on my face,
I pick myself up and get back in the race.

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My

Well... you never really get over things... but eventually, your skin gets thicker (and slicker) and things don't bother you as much. "Issues" fail to even penetrate or they simply roll off your back. If you enjoy what you do, then do it... without apology or regret However, make sure you are true to yourself and to others, if not the art form, lest you be the "problem".

Professionalism... well that is like Christ... a rarely obtainable zenith. I don't have a problem with Christ, but I sure do hate the Christians... they are so unlike Christ (and Christian means literally, like Christ). Professionalism, many claim to have it, yet most can't even spell it, define it, or inact it.

My advice, work with those that support you, cherish you, and treat you fairly. Who cares about the others. DRAMA comes from those who are either jealous or afraid of you, or hate you for some perceived wrong perpetrated against them... and what does that say about them? Put your nose to the grindstone and plug away... fortitude. The nay-sayers will eventually fall by the wayside (becoming irrelevent) or become your friends (jump on the band wagon).

In AZ, there exist hundreds upon hundreds of so-called, self-proclaimed belly dancers... yet there are perhaps a score of BD troupes and perhaps a score or two of active, performing solo dancers. Hence, consider the source of any negativity. Who really cares what the "living-room dance stars" and the "SCA fire-fuckers" think. What have they done? Exactly!

I could tell you stories of the hatred, lies, unprofessionalism, cowardice, etc. that my drum group has had to endure at the hands of belly dancers, belly dance troupes, and fired drummers that would literally turn your shit white! All from people (I later found out), that are nothing (except vastly hated and scorned) in the BD community... small fish in smaller ponds... gasping for breath before they die. Fuck'em! Those that can... do. Those that can't are called the audience.

My point is that having to endure severe drama, scandalous lies, slander, and this and that; our policy was to ignore it, not respond in anyway, keep doing what we love doing, and surround ourselves with those that appreciate us. A few months later, we've gained the respect, admiration, friendship, and collaboration opportunities from troupes like Zafira, UNMATA, Ethnophonica, Domba, Bedoiun Tribe, Ultra Gypsy, and various high profile cabaret dancers like Diosa Holmes (2004 Belly dancer of the Universe runner-up). That is only on the BD side. In terms of being a drum group, we have plans for events with Raquy and the Cavemen and others. If we actually sucked, or the opinions of those that hated us actually mattered, could this happen? Nope!

Plow the field Bastet. Show no mercy and take no prisoners... yet conduct yourself with absolute honor, treating people how you would like to be treated. If you don't, your post is about bitching about people like you. I don't know the back-story and don't care, but if there is that much "crap" in your local BD community (in terms of you), in all fairness, you have to ask yourself if it is you or them that is the problem. I'm being honest, with no details of your situation, so don't take this as an attack or an inference. But, you have to have your ducks in a row before you can call foul (or fowl), otherwise... perhaps you deserve it (and I doubt that).

My suggestion to any belly dancer or troupe is to familiarize themselves with ethics, business practices (marketing, contracts), and law. Most don't. Ignorance can lead to DRAMA. Knowledge will set you free.

Patience: Going professional or semi-pro is scary, costly (in more ways than one), and well... shitty. Give it time (a few years to be blunt). Persevere. If you are good and deserve it, you will get it... and nobody, no dancer, instructor, or otherwise can stop it, no matter how much they bitch, undercut, slander, etc. The audience is the jury. The opinions of peers plus 50 cents will only buy you a coke.

Good luck Bastet. Never give up, never surrender.

G

I am really sad to hear this. :( I KNOW that there are people and situations that make it hard to continue dancing. My only advice is to not let other people take something away from you that is so dear. Belly dance on your terms. Eliminate the ugly stuff and nurture the good stuff. If that means you only dance with your girlfriends at "friends only" haflas, then do that. It's not worth it to lose belly dance completely. I think it just drains you more to fight it. So go with it. Just do it on your terms.

:(
Taaj
thebellydancetrainer.com

I am not sure what situation has you down, dealing with other dancers or dealing with the public...but I can tell you that you are an asset to the belly dance community. I only met you briefly during your fan workshop in Tallahassee, but you seem to be an easy going person with an infectious amount of enthusiasm for dancing.

I know it can be hard, putting yourself in the position of instructor, paid performer, belly dance professional. Once in the position of taking money for dancing, you set yourself up for critism from all angles. People talk about you like you are a used car, and sometimes with about as much sentiment. People forget that although you are giving out a product, that there is a living being person behind that product. Money seems to change everything. Just follow your beliefs, know that you are giving the paying customer their money's worth, that you have given them your best job...how can anyone complain about that? And make sure that you are not your worst critic, than can hurt you worse than anything else.

You are a beautiful dancer and seem to be a beautiful soul...try not to let it get you down, even though, I know that's hard. It would be a terrible loss for the belly dancer community and but much much worse, a terrible loss for you personally.

Kira

Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. And Drumopelli? I truly appreciate your bluntness (a rarity, even when asked for). My particular situation is that I'm caught in the middle of some drama existing before I moved to this community. However, I spoke with both parties (the more uncomfortable conversation, last night) because I felt like someone should be honest with her and her crew. (Obviously, no one has been communicating their issues directly.) So, I guess I'm playing the moderator in this situation. I guess the worst part is that I was really trying to host an event to bring the community together and do something fun--only to realize that the community is split in some respects.
All of you gave great advice-I think the best thing for me is to be the optimistic, fun-loving person I am--just with hopefully "thicker..and slicker skin". This way, I can continue to enjoy dancing, teaching, and performing without all the bullshit. And I agree that my merit should be based on my skills and the way I conduct myself--which I am always trying to improve. Thanks for all the words of wisdom.

I have felt that way, too! I'm by no means "professional" but have found myself feeling left out and a bit defeated at times. I had a moment of clarity and reminded myself that dance to me is both spiritual and fun - and made a conscious decision to lighten up a bit! I'm not driving past BFE to classes, which was hard, and have taken measures to keep positve. When you're positive, you attract positive people toward you. Look for an opportunity to make a new friend or help a new bellydancer! Lighten up and dance, Bastet! I'm sure you're great at it!

If the community around you is toxic, your best option is probably to just tune them out as much as you can. Interface with them if and only if you need to. Meanwhile try carving out your own niche, a place where you are not stepping on anyone's toes but also where you don't need to negotiate with them. If you have the time, start organizing your own events for your own students. Invite the larger community if you want to be nice, but make sure you keep everything on your own terms. Eventually your students and their friends/family may be community enough to keep a regular event like a hafla series going. If you get the ball rolling quickly enough eventually everyone will have to play nice with you!
Learn to cherish your students and supporters and block all the other bullshit out. Share your love and enthusiasm with them and help them to cultivate it in themselves.
People are going to talk about you as long as you are relevant to them. Even if they say negative things it's still acknowledging that you have an impact on their lives. They will probably keep talking about you ad infinitum as long as you stick around. Rather than let that get you down, make it HARD for them to reasonably call you out. Be ethical. Do charity events. Take an interest in educating yourself about the dance and become an ambassador for everything that's great about it. Eventually this will make THEM look like assholes if they dare talk crap about you.
It's a lot of work and it's going to take a long time, but you can do it. Good luck.

In all honesty, the community has been amazingly supportive of the "new kid on the block"---me. The major problem was that I was caught between two "camps" in the community and, being new here, did not know they existed, nor that there were problems between them. I think things are moderated between the groups, but I may have to extract myself from this "mediator" position I've managed to find myself in.
And everyone is right...I guess I do need to grow some thicker skin, but how do you do that? Do you just get burned a lot? I'd like to avoid any unpleasantries.

If the two camps are not paying you to mediate then I'd say get out of the middle of it now. Your attempts to mediate imply an expectation that they want / can want to be reconciled/ get along with each other etc. This may not be true. They may emotionally need to have a group they don't get along with in order to build camaradermie among themselves. It sounds like you've done the grown-up thing, attempting to ascertain what is going on at first hand so that you have accurate information to act on. For the rest - de-mediate immediately :) and put your attention into your art. There's nothing warring camps like better than more people sucked into their black hole. IMO.

I'm always getting into trouble for saying that getting along with 'the belly dance community' is highly over-rated. I vote for choosing good teachers, good customers and good students and getting along with them instead :)

Hi Bastet, forgive me if I am repeating any of the other comments. I have been given some good advice and it helps me. Show indiference. You may care what others say and it can hurt, but they have nothing to go on if you aren't reacting. Good luck and hang in there!

I never cease to be amazed at how, for something that is supposed to be such a wonderful, "sisterly" thing, the bellydance community can be such a harsh and judgemental place. It often seems that the nicer a person is to everyone the faster the target gets painted on their back and I just don't get it.
Sadly, that crap happens all the time - even down at the student troupe level of involvement. Thanks to a horrible incident of extreme cattiness that was directed at me (or, I should say, my back) by someone I thought was a "friend", I recently thought about permanently hanging up my hipbelt. I've since reconsidered and didn't quit dancing but the scars are still there and now I don't know who to trust. If I'm going through this at a student level, I can only imagine how hard it is to be a professional dancer.
All I can say is hang in there, Bastet. Don't let the pettiness of others ruin something that you love to do. Just remember, if you quit, they win and the dance community will lose.

Oh jeez, dont ......please just do not let this crap effect your love. I, too, have been discouraged. Rumors from my employess went around that I became a stripper. Working in a dance store, I soon found many bellydancers talking about it. I was even told by, what I thought was a good friend, that I wasnt allowed in any of her shows until the rumors die down! REDICULOUS! I have had teachers call me fat, tell me Im a "slacker and wont make it anywhere" And my manager refused to let me invest in one of our costumes that not only fit me perfectly, but my love for it was priceless. He told me," Cj, I just dont think its a good idea. You never take anything seriously. I just dont think you should buy it."
Ive had mean ladies tell restaurant owners that they are sick of seeing me. I did get fired once for that.
Girl, I know what its like to get shot down. And I still get shot with anti-tattoo remarks. But I dont give a fuck. I love bellydance more than anyone. It has been the only thing that is reliable!.....as far as making me happy to practice, see other dancers, help out/volunteer to help them....so on. Dont ever feel discouraged.....for christ sake, look who's talking! For real, just observe the person you are dealing with. Heh! Its amazing how pathetic you will realize they are.....which will make you feel better.;)~
You are lovely, by the way!

For whatever reason, the creative arts seem to attract dramatic individuals.

I have met plenty. I have had people that feel they need to be honest all the time with me. When honesty isn't going to help, it's just mean and hurtful. If someone feels a certain way about the way you dance, instruct or whatever, try to not take it to heart. Their are others who do like it. You can't please everybody. I try to people please too! Stay who you are, a nice individual but don't let others push you around or tell you how you are. You are the one who can figure it out for yourself! Good luck and keep dancing and try to eliminate toxic people in your life. It helps!

I have met the best and the worst in this industry called "dance". From megalomanical tyrants to gentle loving souls [but mostly the former]. I've put up with a lot of pathological dancers and instructors in my life, only because they were brilliant but I had to learn to keep them at arm's length [for my own mental health's sake].

I've also had the good fortune to meet brilliant dancers who were gentle spirits yet powerful artists. Dance is so competitive anyway, that I simply come to expect alot of the histrionics that go along with it. I didn't used to....And my soul suffered for it. I was young and idealistic then, trusting too much and getting the royal shaft when I expected reciprocity from other dancers to whom I had shown much support and respect . It [reciprocity] almost never happened, sorry to say. For some reason many within the dance 'industry' tend to be selfish creatures with an exaggerated sense of self importance and entitlement and can be cruel, petty tyrants. I am however, extremely grateful for the good ones I have known...Those who are have honed their art to near perfection, yet they chose to trade their egos and their vanity in for enlightened compassion for others and acceptance of an imperfect world.

I think you should just do what your heart and soul tells you to do - as long as you stay 'on ethics' with your actions and aren't deliberately trying to 'piss on' anyone. And try try TRY not to take anything personal [I know its hard..;0)]

My troupe is dealing with negativity from some members of our dance community. It's tough, but we take the high road and work harder. People who behave this way are usually jealous, so it's kind of a compliment to be targeted in this way. Only someone who feels threatened by you will try to take you down. Don't get caught up in the negativity - rise above it if you can.

My dad used to say "The best revenge is a life well lived." Be true to yourself and your art, and strive to be professional in both personal and professional dealings. You'll be happy with yourself at the end of the day, and that's the most important thing.